RAIL BULLETIN 025FORTHCOMING EXPANSION · EASTERN CONFERENCE
OCTOBER 4, 2026
GREEN BAY SUCKS WILL INAUGURATE THE EASTERN CONFERENCE
The Green Bay Sucks of Green Bay, Virginia are announced as a forthcoming expansion franchise and inaugural club of RAIL’s new Eastern Conference. Coach D holds field authority. The club is a joint venture owned 51% by Mandarich Toilet Paper Company and 49% by the City of Green Bay. Its home is Mandarich Toilet Paper Municipal Stadium. Looks strong on paper. The team store is open; merchandise, opening date and first season are forthcoming. RAIL continues to recognize eleven operating clubs. We didn’t even know there was another Green Bay.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 024ADMISSION ORDER
SEPTEMBER 29, 2026
STREATOR PETERS ADMITTED AS AN OFFICIAL RAIL CLUB
By order of President Sparky Roseman, the Streator Peters are admitted to the operating league. The club is recognized as the unauthorized baseball arm of St. Peter’s Catholic Church. The Cathedral is approved as its home grounds, including pew seating, inning-by-inning posture requirements and a stadium organist restricted to hymns. St. Peter is registered as official mascot. A 70-year-old parish priest holds field authority from the top step of the dugout. The City of Streator has not yet been notified. RAIL now recognizes eleven operating clubs. The Peters are gonna be huge.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 023MASCOT REGISTRATION
SEPTEMBER 25, 2026
LEXINGTON REGISTERS ROY/CARL — SPECIES UNKNOWN
The Lexington Township Relaxation Farm Base Ball Club has registered ROY/CARL as its official mascot. The shirtless human torso grows directly from a giant opossum body. Handlebars are mounted into the opossum's back. Everyone connected to the Farm treats this as normal. The public cartoon filing has been approved because the photographic record frightens some evangelicals. The Office requests no additional explanation.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 022PRESIDENTIAL PROCLAMATION · APPLICATION NOT RECEIVED
SEPTEMBER 22, 2026
PRESIDENT PROCLAIMS STREATOR PETERS INTO EXISTENCE
STREATOR, ILLINOIS — President Sparky Roseman has directed St. Peter’s Church in Streator to get their shit together and field a baseball team. The club is to be called the Streator Peters. The President may or may not have been drunk at the time. No franchise application, ownership group or ballpark agreement has been announced; neither the church nor the city appears to have been consulted. “The Peters are gonna be huge.” The Office further confirms: “…and that’s what she said.” The City of Streator has not yet been notified. This proclamation does not admit a club to the operating league.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 021TREATY FILED
SEPTEMBER 22, 2026
TREATY OF THE LEXINGTON KINGDOM ENTERED INTO THE RECORD
The Lexington Township Relaxation Farm and the Money Creek Demolition Derby clan have entered the Lexington Kingdom Baseball Cooperative. Their local alliance predates the filing by many years. The cooperative will carry both component flags under the public shorthand LEXINGTON KINGDOM. The treaty photograph dated January 27, 2006 is entered as historical evidence. An unofficial cry has also been reported from both sides of town: SUCK IT, CHENOA!
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 020ADMISSION ORDER
SEPTEMBER 22, 2026
PONTIAC, LE ROY AND FAIRBURY ENTER THE OPERATING LEAGUE
By order of President Sparky Roseman, the Pontiac Bars, Le Roy Browns and Fairbury, Nebraska are admitted as Expansion Clubs 04, 05 and 06 respectively. The El Paso Road Commission remains active as Expansion Club 02. Pontiac's Woody retains administrative authority. Le Roy remains pronounced Lee Roy. The Fairbury contract names Nebraska; the Office considers the signatures binding. RAIL now recognizes ten operating clubs.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 019FRANCHISE NOTICE · AMENDED
SEPTEMBER 25, 2026
PEORIA COLDCOCKS ASSUME EXPANSION SEAT 03
The Office recognizes the Peoria Coldcocks as the operating club in Peoria's existing expansion seat. Founder Johnny Coldcock Jones remains missing after a crash during an attempted trip to space and is presumed dead, subject to correction should he present himself. The Coldcock fortune passed to Lightnin’ Deuce Rooster, who has advised that SORM may run the club. BooBoo McSwain remains responsible for an operation he has held together for decades. The club has filed its rooster-and-microphone insignia; weathered navy, aged cream, road gray and tarnished brass colors; 1942 wool uniforms; and the bright-red Mrs. Coldcock heritage set with mandatory navy knickers.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 018FRANCHISE ADMISSION
SEPTEMBER 22, 2026
LEXINGTON TOWNSHIP RELAXATION FARM ENTERS THE LEAGUE
The Office of the President recognizes the Lexington Township Relaxation Farm as Lexington's operating replacement franchise. Founded in 1876 by Dr. R. G. Jones, the institution is now directed by R. G. Jones IV, known as RG4. Its baseball club will help support the Farm alongside its crafted plywood business. The Farm invites the public to consider the grounds a peaceful rural retreat. Reports of experimental work remain unverified. Lexington Alumni retains its suspended historical charter. A club nickname will be filed at a later date.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 017OPERATIONS NOTICE
SEPTEMBER 21, 2026
LEXINGTON ALUMNI OPERATIONS SUSPENDED
By order of the Office of the President, Lexington Alumni operations and Billy Prime's public club duties are suspended until further notice. Charter Club 04 retains its place in the founding record but is removed from the active lineup. RAIL presently operates three charter clubs and three expansion clubs. No replacement franchise has been appointed.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 016ADMISSION ORDER · AMENDED
SEPTEMBER 16, 2026
PEORIA EXPANSION SEAT 03 ESTABLISHED
The Peoria expansion seat entered the league on September 16. The controlling club identity is now the Peoria Coldcocks; see the current franchise notice for its founder, administration and insignia.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 015ADMISSION ORDER
SEPTEMBER 16, 2026
EL PASO ROAD COMMISSION ADMITTED AS EXPANSION CLUB 02
The Office of the President has admitted the El Paso Road Commission Baseball Club as RAIL Expansion Club 02. Its roadwork authority remains unclear. Its baseball authority is now official. Rhett, a monster off-road vehicle whose name appears principally on his license plate, is registered as club mascot.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 014ADMISSION ORDER
SEPTEMBER 14, 2026
WASHINGTON MEATHEADS ADMITTED AS RAIL EXPANSION CLUB 01
By order of President Sparky Roseman, the Washington Meatheads are formally admitted as the first expansion club in Real America Independent League history. The Slaughterhouse is recognized as their home field. Jimmy Meathead remains registered as official mascot. RAIL now consists of four charter clubs, one expansion club and considerably more brisket than its operating procedures anticipated.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 013MASCOT REGISTRATION
SEPTEMBER 14, 2026
WASHINGTON INTRODUCES JIMMY MEATHEAD
The Washington Meatheads have registered Jimmy Meathead as official club mascot. Jimmy is cheerful, anatomically exposed and cleared for public appearances at The Slaughterhouse. The Office finds no blood and therefore no cause for alarm.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 012EXPANSION ANNOUNCEMENT
SEPTEMBER 9, 2026
WASHINGTON MEATHEADS ANNOUNCED AFTER SUBSTANTIAL MEAT TRANSFER
President Sparky Roseman has announced the forthcoming Washington Meatheads, home field The Slaughterhouse. RAIL staff do not know what he is talking about. The league nevertheless appears to have a new franchise and a lot of brisket.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 011PRONUNCIATION ORDER
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
LE ROY IS PRONOUNCED “LEE ROY”
For all league business, public address announcements and Browns-related disciplinary hearings, Le Roy shall be pronounced “Lee Roy.” The Office considers the matter settled.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 010NEGOTIATIONS OPEN
SEPTEMBER 7, 2026
THREE ADDITIONAL CITIES ENTER EXPANSION TALKS
St. Joseph, Springfield and Shelbyville are now engaged in franchise negotiations with RAIL. Negotiation is not admission. The league continues to recognize exactly four charter clubs.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 009PRESIDENTIAL AUTHORITY
PERMANENT
THE OFFICE REMAINS IN COMPLETE CONTROL
The owners are currently cooperating within acceptable limits. Future disorder will not alter the chain of command. Every club operates under President Sparky Roseman’s authority, and every final league ruling remains his.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 008ADMISSION FILED IN 020
SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
PONTIAC WILL BE KNOWN AS THE BARS
The prospective Pontiac organization has adopted the Pontiac Bars name and the rally cry “I’m going to the bars!” Its mascot is The Mighty Redwood “Woody” depicted as a drunk prisoner. Woody’s administrative authority remains unexplained. Pontiac remains outside the league.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 007UNVERIFIED SIGHTING
APPLICATION NOT RECEIVED
CLINTON LAKE CREATURES DISPLAY BASEBALL INTENT
The proposed Clinton Dolphin-Monkeys have submitted no ownership papers, roster, venue or proof of terrestrial existence. Their uniforms are unusually complete. They remain a future franchise concept and are not members of RAIL.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 006SUPERSEDED BY 020
SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
PONTIAC AND LE ROY ARE NOT LEAGUE CLUBS
Logos, uniforms, threats, cats and municipal enthusiasm do not constitute admission. Pontiac and Le Roy remain prospective ideas. The current league contains exactly four charter clubs.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 005CLARIFICATION
SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
ATLANTA WOULD PREFER THAT YOU CALL THEM THE ODs
The club remains formally registered as the Atlanta Overdrive. Its people, uniforms, creditors and increasingly defensive correspondence identify the club as the ODs. The letters continue to stand for Overdrive.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 004OFFICIAL
SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
LEXINGTON REORGANIZES AS THE ALUMNI
The former Lexington Water Department identity is withdrawn. Charter Club 04 will proceed as the Lexington Alumni, use Old English lettering and limit its entire roster to Lexington natives. Its confidence remains unaffected.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 003DISPUTED
HEARING NOT SCHEDULED
DOES A BASEBALL CLUB REQUIRE A BASEBALL TEAM?
The Office of the President has opened an administrative inquiry. Bloomington maintains that baseball intent is sufficient. Lexington has objected in an unnecessarily smug manner.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 002DENIED BY MERNA TAP
FILING PENDING
HEADQUARTERS STAFF CONTINUE TO KNOW NOTHING
RAIL business is conducted at Merna Tap in Merna, Illinois. Personnel there remain under standing instruction to deny all knowledge of the league, its owners, its meetings and this notice.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSEDRAIL BULLETIN 001OFFICIAL
SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
THE LEAGUE NOW ACKNOWLEDGES THAT IT EXISTS
Four charter clubs have been recognized. No rosters have been verified. No schedules have been approved. No ballparks have been located with confidence. This will not delay merchandise.
PUBLIC COMMENT DOCKET: CLOSED
